Ex-Libris

So like I said, I had my surgery on January 10th 2008.

( What they did... )

( How I live now... )

A stoma, whethere it's an illeostomy like I have, or a colostomy (where is when you still have some of your large intestine), is not the end of the world. It's not a bad thing. I know, you're might be thinking I've only had mine a year, it's a bit early to be telling other people how to feel. And I would never deny anyone their feelings about it because it is a big deal and does take some adjusting. I suppose in my case, it helps that it wasn't an emergency thing. I had time to think about it and realise that this was the only way I could ever get any semblance of a life back. I suppose the biggest thing it's given back to me are oppertunities and hope. It doesn't define me. I have a stoma. It doesn't have me. The scar on my stomach and the beige coloured bag to the right of it are actually things I'm proud of and I don't mind looking at them because I think they just make me a bit more interesting. Sure, some people might be put off by them but that's their problem. It'll make things interesting in any future relationships, and I have no problem in explaining them, but if any guy feels it's too much to handle, then fine. Go away. Because as upsetting as that kind of rejection is, the bigger picture says that I've been through too much to settle for that kind of nonsense from someone who wasn't around for the main event and would be benefiting from my awesomeness since the cure!

Like I said, the point of these posts isn't to be all TMI, but to show just because something isn't always talked about, that doesn't mean it can't be a positive thing. Information is power, after all. And maybe these posts will go out there into the ether and have a knock on effect and do some good. I don't know. But I do know that I got the chance at life that I prayed for on some really bad days and nights and I want to make it count. I want to make something good out of what happened to me. Because that way, it's my bitch and not the other way around.
The thing about Crohns is that it's a chronic illness and can affect anywhere in the digestive system. So it might come back in another place. I can't control that and I'm certainly not going to sit at home fretting over it. I don't have the time anyway because I have things to do. And it's a really brilliant feeling.

Christmas went well, It was drama free and the dogs behaved themselves excellently when we had visitors in the house, a fact that astounded my mother and myself no end, considering they were off the scale when it came to misbehaving earlier in the week. Trying to walk them was a battle royale of wills between us and I will freely admit that after each walk, I came home and cried in the bathroom to release the tension and frustration. They're seven months old, of course they're going to test me, I'd just rather it wasn't when I'm trying to teach them to walk to bloody heel! Anyway, they're in a good behaviour phase at the minute so I'll take any small victories I can. My aunt and my cousin arrived on Christmas Day, as planned. I think my cousin thought she was in for a hellish couple of days as she's not a dog person, but I thanked her for her patience when they were jumping around her when she'd be in the kitchen and I'd be re-emphasising the whole 'do not want!' as regards that behaviour. I could tell that surprised her and later on when they were doing it again, I apologised and she said "Oh it's fine. The more new situations they're in, the more they learn what you expect from them", which surprised me!

I got Russell T. Davies' The Writers Tale from my mother. It's a series of emails between RTD and journalist Benjamin Cook when RTD was writing series 4 of Doctor Who and launching series 3. It's very interesting to see how the series evolved from what RTD originally thought up and what he changed because of actor availibility or budget issues or because he simply changed his mind about the story. She surprised me as well with a Sony micro stereo system. My last one broke a couple of years ago and I never bothered replacing it, relying instead on my MP3 player. It's so neat and dainty and fits in nicely on my beside table.

I went to see Twilight last weekend. It was...different to what I'd expected. I went with a friend of mine who isn't very enamoured with the books either and we agreed that Movie Bella and Edward were a bit more tolerable than their book counterparts. We also agreed that there should have been more Billy Burke because he was a lot of fun and there were some nice moments between him and Kristen Stewart. I still can't believe she's only eighteen. For some reason, I always thought she was older.
While I thought the sparkling was a big let down - I was sitting there waiting for him to start sparkling only to realise he was already doing it - I did like the natural/cinema verite-ness of some of the scenes with Bella/Jacob and the kids at the school, and I must admit that I enjoyed the vampire baseball scene. Once the nomad vamps arrived, it got more interesting for me. There's only so much of Bella and Edward enjoying their special love that I can take in any medium. 
The score has grown on me as well. The track, Bella's Lullaby, is a real favourite. Carter Burwell's piece about it on his website is very interesting. I like reading things like that, the story behind stuff. It's my Gemini traits, the journey, how something came about, I find that kind of thing as fascinating as the end result.

Tomorrow I'm meeting three friends of mine from college. We keep in touch but we don't often get the four of us in the one place at the one time so we're doing lunch and having a major gossip. Am really looking forward to it.

So now let's see. What's happened since I last posted.

Well, my mother was a bit perturbed at first that I'd exposed her RA love and Robin Hood hate on the internets. Then she decided it was cool and giggled away to herself. When I told her she wasn't alone in Robin Hood hate, she was well pleased. And she's just sorry scarlettfish doesn't live closer so the two of them could watch episodes of Doctor Who with Rose in them.

In the last couple of weeks, my mother and I went to the First Communion celebration dinner of one of my second cousin's.  He'd be the son of my first cousin so I think that's right.  It was in a hotel we hadn't been to before and the food was lovely. There was about thirty people invited and there were other dinner parties with kids so the hotel had laid on a clown to go around and make swords and things out of balloons to entertain them. Also included in the party was a girl who'd been in my class in secondary school and who was always a good friend of my cousin. So it was nice catching up with her and meeting her husband and two kids.
Then the following day, we went to the christening of another cousin's daughter. She's a beautiful baby. There were about five babies to be christened at the Church and I got to say, it was like a production line. The priest was cranky and he completely blanked one young couple, who looked like they might have been on the lower end of the social scale. Now they were very nice, well dressed but he addressed all his remarks to the corner opposite to where they were, barely looked at where they were sitting and announced their baby's name with much distaste. Frankly, I would have lamped him if it were me and the mother looked to be in her early twenties and she was obviously upset. We felt very sorry for her, her baby's day being ruined like that. The dinner after that was in a new restaurant and the food was gorgeous.
Myself and my mother noticed that on my father's side of the family, which is the side the cousin's having the events are on, seem to be split into two groups and we're the only ones that seem to bridge the two groups and we seem to get invited to almost everything going on. But there's one cousin who never gets invited to anything and frankly, it's a mystery because you couldn't get nicer than him. It's all very odd.
I went to an Illeostomy Association meeting in Castlebar at the weekend. The talks were interesting and some of the ostomy companies had stands and were giving out free samples of their wares. I got a few things that will definitely make taking care of the stoma easier and they're available on the medical card too which is excellent.

I got to see There Will Be Blood finally before it left the cinema and I was dead impressed with Daniel Day Lewis. I don't think the film would have had the same power without his performance and it might have been damn near unwatchable without him. Then we went to see 27 Dresses. I knew what kind of film I was going to and usually I enjoy them but this time not so much. I'm not a Katherine Heigl hater by any means but I think it was just the kind of dramatic shortcuts the film took to make the heroine's plight all that more poignant. And I was a bit distracted by the way the actress playing Jane's sister kept wagging her head about when she was acting, particularly when she was emoting towards the end. I found it a bit odd.
I usually love romantic comedies, bit of escapism, something easy to watch but I think my tolerance for them might have been removed along with my colon. Oops.

I bought a lovely black wrap dress from Next.ie for the wedding, but it didn't fit right, so I'm having to go for the next size up. It was way too tight around the stoma anyway and didn't camouflage the bag in any way. That's not quite the look I'm going for. Anyway, if the bigger size is too loose around the bust, I'll just bring it to a dressmaker and get it altered so everything fits right.
And in other stoma related news, I don't have to go back to surgical outpatients for three months. Go me!