( The last few days... )
So rock on, Momo. You were hardcore and there were days you made me scream into cushions, but you did your best for me and taught me a lot.
I'm really going to miss my Momo.
So right now we're just making arrangements and trying to sort ourselves out.
She's been a constant in my life for nearly thirty seven years. It's going to feel so odd not having her looking over my shoulder at me, giving me hell or telling me stories.
( Did you miss us, LJ? Will you throw a ball for us?? Better still, do you have food for us?????? )
Did I tell ye the story about how one day, Momo was sitting up and Jack was lying beside her? And all of a sudden she starts shrieking that he was dead. I mean, really amping the drama from 0 all the way up to 11 in the blink of an eye. I told her he wasn't, that he was asleep and she grabbed him by his collar and started pulling him up and down, up and down, really roughly, yelling "HE'S DEAD, I TELL YOU, HE'S DEAD!!!" I replied "for fuck's sake, stop pulling at the dog!!". Yes, I swore but I was afraid he might go for her or something. I mean, if I were fast asleep and someone woke me by grabbing and pulling at my neck, they'd be lucky if all I did was bite them. But all he did was move closer to her, move his head on her lap as best he could and go back to sleep and she let him go. Then he farted and Momo yelled that she was being poisoned and had I made the fart. I forbore from informing her that having a stoma makes it impossible for me to do that and just replied in the negative. Then she got bored and fell back asleep.
Since getting shingles in May though, she's got no interest in talking like that anymore. She's tired a lot and that makes her cranky. Sometimes it's like she's uncomfortable in her own skin and she'll say she has pains in her bones. No doubt she does. It's hard to see her like that sometimes and not being able to fix it for her. She has a strong heart, that's what's keeping her going we reckon.
Friday evening, my mother and myself went out to dinner and enjoyed ourselves thoroughly. Then on Saturday, a friend I'd been in college with and whom I keep in touch with mostly via email and phone calls these days, came down from Dublin and we met another college friend and went to the movies and had lunch afterwards. We went to see Twilight because even though we'd all seen it seperately, we thought we'd relive our old college days when we'd mitch from classes and head to the flicks. We snarked on it all through lunch and agreed to repeat the experience next year for New Moon. The morning screening was busier than I'd thought it would be. We had some German girls, students on a year abroad we reckoned, behind us and they reacted to everything that happened. The reaction Mike and Jessica got made me wonder if they'd expire as soon as Edward and the Cullens appeared but no, their biggest squeeing was reserved for Peter Facinelli and the Cullen house! Architecture fans, obviously.
Then today, I met another friend whose third child is due next month. She's been a great friend to me over the years and not just when I was sick. Last year just after the surgery, when I texted her that my mother had to buy me a big flowing nightdress to fit over the bandages, she bought me one and because she couldn't get into me, she sent her husband in with it. She was so kind. So it was extra nice today because she'd left the other two children with her husband and we had a great chat. Not that I mind meeting her with her kids, they're very good and I'm extremely fond of them, but to be able to talk to her without both of us keeping one eye on them or having her three year old son come over to me mid-sentence to tell me that he's going to drive his invisible car and would I fill it up with petrol was nice. Though I do get a big kick out of it when he does do things like that!
The frost is gone and we're back to wind and rain. I nearly slipped on the sloped flagstones in the garden and trying to regain my balance lurched forward and started slipping again. It took banging into the large ceramic flower pot to stop me and my knees took the brunt of it. Ow. It was either that or fall onto the dogs and I made my choice.
My grandmother is in bad from and although she is in bed, she is not attempting to sleep. It will not be a good night.
The Golden Globes are on Sky Movies live right now but I'm recording them because I have a brownie planning meeting tomorrow morning and I need to be up and organised. Which is why it's gone midnight and I'm still on my laptop. When will I learn??!!!!!
( What they did... )
( How I live now... )
A stoma, whethere it's an illeostomy like I have, or a colostomy (where is when you still have some of your large intestine), is not the end of the world. It's not a bad thing. I know, you're might be thinking I've only had mine a year, it's a bit early to be telling other people how to feel. And I would never deny anyone their feelings about it because it is a big deal and does take some adjusting. I suppose in my case, it helps that it wasn't an emergency thing. I had time to think about it and realise that this was the only way I could ever get any semblance of a life back. I suppose the biggest thing it's given back to me are oppertunities and hope. It doesn't define me. I have a stoma. It doesn't have me. The scar on my stomach and the beige coloured bag to the right of it are actually things I'm proud of and I don't mind looking at them because I think they just make me a bit more interesting. Sure, some people might be put off by them but that's their problem. It'll make things interesting in any future relationships, and I have no problem in explaining them, but if any guy feels it's too much to handle, then fine. Go away. Because as upsetting as that kind of rejection is, the bigger picture says that I've been through too much to settle for that kind of nonsense from someone who wasn't around for the main event and would be benefiting from my awesomeness since the cure!
Like I said, the point of these posts isn't to be all TMI, but to show just because something isn't always talked about, that doesn't mean it can't be a positive thing. Information is power, after all. And maybe these posts will go out there into the ether and have a knock on effect and do some good. I don't know. But I do know that I got the chance at life that I prayed for on some really bad days and nights and I want to make it count. I want to make something good out of what happened to me. Because that way, it's my bitch and not the other way around.
The thing about Crohns is that it's a chronic illness and can affect anywhere in the digestive system. So it might come back in another place. I can't control that and I'm certainly not going to sit at home fretting over it. I don't have the time anyway because I have things to do. And it's a really brilliant feeling.
( So here's how it was... )
This is a bit long so if anyone cares to read part 2 about life with a stoma, I'll do that in another post.
James Garner reminds a bit of David Boreanaz in this. Can't quite put my finger on why.
I'm glad it does me laugh actually because it's been one of those days.
I got Russell T. Davies' The Writers Tale from my mother. It's a series of emails between RTD and journalist Benjamin Cook when RTD was writing series 4 of Doctor Who and launching series 3. It's very interesting to see how the series evolved from what RTD originally thought up and what he changed because of actor availibility or budget issues or because he simply changed his mind about the story. She surprised me as well with a Sony micro stereo system. My last one broke a couple of years ago and I never bothered replacing it, relying instead on my MP3 player. It's so neat and dainty and fits in nicely on my beside table.
I went to see Twilight last weekend. It was...different to what I'd expected. I went with a friend of mine who isn't very enamoured with the books either and we agreed that Movie Bella and Edward were a bit more tolerable than their book counterparts. We also agreed that there should have been more Billy Burke because he was a lot of fun and there were some nice moments between him and Kristen Stewart. I still can't believe she's only eighteen. For some reason, I always thought she was older.
While I thought the sparkling was a big let down - I was sitting there waiting for him to start sparkling only to realise he was already doing it - I did like the natural/cinema verite-ness of some of the scenes with Bella/Jacob and the kids at the school, and I must admit that I enjoyed the vampire baseball scene. Once the nomad vamps arrived, it got more interesting for me. There's only so much of Bella and Edward enjoying their special love that I can take in any medium.
The score has grown on me as well. The track, Bella's Lullaby, is a real favourite. Carter Burwell's piece about it on his website is very interesting. I like reading things like that, the story behind stuff. It's my Gemini traits, the journey, how something came about, I find that kind of thing as fascinating as the end result.
Tomorrow I'm meeting three friends of mine from college. We keep in touch but we don't often get the four of us in the one place at the one time so we're doing lunch and having a major gossip. Am really looking forward to it.
At home watching "Superman Returns" on DVD. Doesn't get more hardcore than that, eh?!
2. What was your status by Valentines Day?
3. Were you in school anytime this year?
No. I thought I was going to take a couple of courses but when it came to it, I just didn't have the cash to do them. Never mind, next year hopefully.
4. Did you have to go to the hospital?
Yes. I was in hospital for the month of January to have my protocolectomy, bringing to end three and a half years of bad health and the misery associated with it. I have to go back every few weeks so the stoma nurses can see how I'm progressing but things are good.
5. Did you have any encounters with the police?
6. Where did you go on vacation?
Waterford city for my birthday weekend in June.
7. What did you purchase that was over $100?
A new laptop to replace the old one that just ground to a halt one day. That was a very unexpected purchase.
8. Did you know anybody who got married?
A few people whose weddings I heard of but I attended my cousin's in July.
9. Did you know anybody who passed away?
Nobody close to me, thank goodness, but there were people I would have known to see in the area.
10. Did you move anywhere?
11. What sporting events did you attend?
12. What concerts/shows did you go to?
Jack Lukeman in Dublin in April and in Galway in September; Cologne Chamber Orchestra in August; the Irish Baroque Orchestra and Resurgam Choir in December,
13. Describe your birthday.
It was fun, just my mother and me hanging out together for the weekend away from all our responsibilites. We shopped til we dropped.
14. What is the ONE thing you thought you would not do, but did, in 2008?
Have newborn puppies to care for!
15. What have been your favourite moments?
Seeing the pups being born and thriving, when the doctor discharged me from hospital was a great one. I was seriously starting to crawl the walls in there.
16. Any new additions to your family?
Just the puppies. We've been baby free this year but there's some due next year.
17. What was your best month?
Lord, I don't know. To be honest, each month has been kind of topping the one gone before as my life starts to get back in order again
18. Who has been your best drinking buddy?
I don't drink alcohol
19. Made new friends?
Yes, I have.
20. Favourite night out?
Seeing Jack Lukeman in concert.
21. Other than home, where did you spend most of your time?
Outside - did a lot of walking about this year because I had to make sure my mobility came back after the surgery.
22. Have you lost any friends this year?
23. Change your hairstyle?
Yes! Instead of just dark hair, I'm now dark and red and it's a bit more layered. I like it a lot.
24. Have any car accidents?
No, thank goodness!
25. How old did will you turn this year?
I turned 35 this year. I'm happy to say I don't feel a bit of it and the nurses all thought I was 28. Go me!
26. Do you have a New Years resolution?
I don't bother with them because I never keep them anyway.
27. Do anything embarrassing?
Plenty. But I was doped on morphine for most of them and recovering from major surgery so I don't think they count.
28. Buy anything from eBay?
29. Get married or divorced?
30. Get hit on?
No, I haven't been out enough to be in that situation. And if I was hit on, it certainly didn't register with me. Oops.
31. Been snowboarding?
32. Did you get sick this year?
Just a headcold, thankfully.
33. Are you happy to see 2008 go?
I think so. I'm looking forward to moving on with things.
34. Been naughty or nice?
35. What are you looking forward to most in 2009?
The endless possibilities!
I'm really happy and excited for all the college crew on my f-list. Wishing you all a happy, educational and fun year!